Oh, Delia!

Dear Delia,

My husband of 33 years passed away last January. I miss him terribly and I’m so lonely. My children are busy with their own lives and never have time for me. My best friend Lorraine is trying to fix me up with a man she claims would be perfect for me, but I don’t know. I know it would do me some good to get out of this house and take my mind off of my grief, but I just think it’s too soon. What will people think? What will my children say? More importantly, what will I wear? I haven’t been on a date in 34 years. Lorraine told me to wear vanilla scented perfume because it’s an aphrodisiac. Is that the craziest thing you ever heard of? Is it true? Wait, what am I saying? I’m not even sure I should go on this date and I certainly don’t want to have sexual relations with a man I just met. Is that what passes for a date these days? Please advise!  — Myrna, Susanville, California

Myrna from Susanville,

In my 60-some years on this planet (I lived on Jupiter for a time prior to that, but that’s another story for another time), I’ve learned some things about life. Important things, things you shouldn’t be ignorant of if you ever want to be happy. One of them things is this: you can’t go around worrying about what people are going to think about your actions; that’s what some fancypants psychiatrists and “life coaches” call “counter-productive.” If you worry about what Betty X. and Betty Y. are going to think about whatever it is you’re contemplating, nine times out of ten you’re not going to do it, because you’ll almost always conclude that your reputation means more to you than what you’re mulling over, whether it’s dating for the first time after the death of a spouse or dating a much younger man or what have you. And that’s just some silliness, because who are the people you want your rep. in top shape for? Who made them the arbiters of what’s right and what ain’t? As long as you’re not doing anything perverted, hell, sis, go out and get you some. Betty X. and Betty Y. can cluck all they want about what a “whore” you are, but in the end, what does it matter? Personally, new and exciting experiences trump being seen as a “trollop” in the eyes of my peers every ding dang time. What I’m trying to get at here, sis, is this: screw ‘em. Tear it up if you’re not hurtin’ no one.

I don’t know if it’s true that vanilla’s a sexual aphrodisiac or what have you, but I do know that a drop or two of some Blue Grass by Elizabeth Arden will have the fellas climbin’ the walls. And that’s the truth, sugar, because I wouldn’t be tellin’ you this if I didn’t swear by the stuff.

This entry was posted on Friday, December 5th, 2008 at 12:30 am and is filed under Dating, Health & Beauty, Life, Marriage, Romance & Relationships, Sex. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.